This is literally what I'm going to name this series that I'm starting on this blog-"My Lit Realization Of The Day" is a series of realizations I get in my head and I sense that I don't feel happy so I recognize where that unhappiness is stemming from, sit in it for a minute, and then let it drown me all day. It's a terrible way to feel and I know something has to be done about it.
So I was cleaning the kitchen and I was feeling slightly anxious and I immediately knew where it was coming from-it's the constant nagging of "are you doing enough with your life right now, are you making the right choices, are you doing anything important, are you being a good person, are you growing at all?" that follows me around like a black cloud...I picture it looking something like this:
I actually picture it more like the cloud is 5 feet behind me in a corner just lurking and obviously I wouldn't be a white girl with blonde hair I'd have black hair...okay you get the point here, right?
So while I usually choose to let those questions haunt and engulf me into its black hole of nothingness, I, instead chose to let myself recognize what I was feeling, tell myself to breathe, and then say, "doing these dishes and cleaning this kitchen is what you should be doing right now-not this, or that, or that, or this, just right now and it's okay.
It's okay to not constantly be on the phone checking emails or constantly perusing the internet worrying yourself to death that you're not working hard enough or that you're not good enough. It's okay to get away from it and live your life and let it play out. It's okay for me to do these dishes and clean this kitchen and not worry about my career because worrying about my career gets me nowhere, but cleaning this kitchen, gets me a clean kitchen so which choice is really the winner here, you know?
So I'm going to close this computer and clean the shit out of my kitchen.